Maybe They’ll Settle for a Nice Bed and Breakfast?

In case you haven’t heard, the Democratic Party is having a bit of trouble figuring out how it’s going to pay for its national convention this year.

Seem surprising? It should. Usually if you’re one of the only 2 major political parties in the wealthiest country on Earth, and you are defending an incumbent president, money isn’t exactly hard to come by. Unless, of course, you ban virtually every form of political fundraising in a PR stunt, and then what you thought was your one loyal source of free cash gets testy. I’ll let the Wall Street Journal elaborate:

Democrats are struggling to raise money for the party’s national convention this summer in Charlotte, N.C., in part because they’ve barred corporations and lobbyists from contributing.

Now, one set of donors the party was banking on—organized labor—says it won’t help pay for the event or will scale back contributions, partly because it is upset that the convention will be in a state considered unfriendly to unions.

That’s right. Dems apparently picked the WRONG state for this strategy to work.

Labor unions chipped in $8.6 million of the $60.5 million the party spent in 2008 in Denver. This year, a number of construction unions, as well as the labor organization Unite Here, plan to give nothing, officials say.

The International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers gave $1 million in 2008, but it isn’t planning to contribute this year. It cites North Carolina’s “right to work law” that is opposed by unions, as well as labor’s need to spend money on grass-roots campaign work.

Oh, and lest you think someone like Warren Buffett will just swoop in and donate the deficit himself:

 Individual donations were capped at $100,000.

Sad Trombone

Key Word in the Caption is “Undated”

I mean, seriously, does this look like the worst prom picture in the world, or what?

An undated photo of Joe Biden and Janet Reno.

Next Up, Criminalizing Lingering Gazes

Tennessee might soon be passing a bill banning “gateway sexual activity,” it seems:

The bill defines “gateway sexual activity” as: “sexual conduct encouraging an individual to engage in a non-abstinent behavior.” The bill’s sponsor, Republican Rep. Jim Gotto, said the bill wouldn’t address things as innocuous as holding hands, the Knoxville News Sentinel reports. But critics of the legislation say the offending behavior is not clearly defined. Gotto did not immediately return TPM’s request for comment.

What’s the big deal? Surely nothing could go wrong with stopping activity that you haven’t clearly defined!

Actually, I suggest we adopt this model for all future legislation. Think of the possibilities! We could replace the entirety of Dodd-Frank with “Don’t engage in gateway fraudulent activity,” and then we wouldn’t have to worry about ever getting to ACTUAL fraud!

There, I just solved financial regulation. You’re welcome.

So Much for Being the Party of Fiscal Conservatism…

I’m no talking-points-coach, but I bet it’s usually a bad idea to be talking about how bad deficits are when your organization has run up millions of dollars in debt and now can’t pay the rent on your HQ.

“The Minnesota Republican Party, struggling with financial problems in recent months, is now facing eviction from its headquarters.”

Well that’s embarrassing.  

World Peace is More Violent Than I Expected…

I’ve always said that one of the worst things about watching a Los Angeles Lakers game is that you have to root AGAINST “World Peace.”

Well, now the worst thing is that you have to see “World Peace” officially ejected from a game.

Anyway, James Harden was talkin’ that good shit a minute ago (NSFW language)…then he got elbowed in the neck.

That’s No Prostitute…That’s a Space Station.

I sometimes wonder if stock photos in news stories about hookers aren’t just random women walking around at night on the way to a party or something. I also sometimes wonder why anyone would think doing cocaine and hiring prostitutes is a good idea for the folks who are supposed to be guarding the president, but hey, they can’t all be winners.

Seriously, imagine seeing a picture of yourself in a cocktail dress in the newspaper next to a headline that reads: “New low ‘blow’: Coke eyed at Secret Service ho-down“

Racist Swedish Cake

Man, sometimes as a blogger you just dream of that perfect headline coming along that pretty much says everything you wanted to say about a story on its own. As such, I don’t feel the need to note anything else. The story and this picture should suffice.

 

Lookin’ Like a Fool…

…with your pants on the ground…whilst wearing handcuffs.

A Prattville man was given a three-day jail sentence Tuesday for contempt of court after his wardrobe didn’t pass judicial muster.

There’s just not much more to say here, I’ll let the judge speak for himself:

“You are in contempt of court because you showed your butt in court,” a visibly irate Bush told Ramsey. “You can spend three days in jail. When you get out you can buy pants that fit, or at least get a belt to hold up your pants so your underwear doesn’t show.”

Foreign Facepalm: Oh, Canada Edition

For those with designs to enter the vaunted Canadian book market, tread lightly.

The federal government is conducting a review of retailer Target Corp.’s proposal to enter the Canadian market to determine whether books and other cultural products have enough home grown content.

You see, Target wants to sell stuff in Canada or something, and while most countries/places would welcome new members to their marketplace with open arms in a time of global economic hardship, Canada has certain standards.

“The Investment Act requires foreign investments in the … book industry to be of net cultural benefit to Canada.”

That’s from James Maunder, spokesperson for Minister of Canadian Heritage, James Moore. Presumably, you must also be named James in order to work in Canadian government, or your name must at least have a “net benefit” level of “Jamesness,” or something.

I’ll save you some time and taxpayer money, Canada: No, Target is not going to be some new cultural hub ushering in a reniessance of Canadian literature, but I’m pretty sure it also isn’t some insidious plot to undermine your culture either.

Rule #7: Never Trust Giant Bunnies

If I told you the giant bunny on the street corner holding a sign to buckle up was really an undercover cop, you’d call me crazy, wouldn’t you? Crazy like a fox, I’d say.

That bunny might just be there to give you a ticket for not wearing a seat-belt.

It’s not even the first time this has happened. Previous attempts, however, evoked what might be the greatest description of a police program in history, as officials called an attempt to use a jaywalking giant bunny to catch drivers refusing to yield to pedestrians as “breathtakingly dangerous.”

That’s right. There was a program where a person in a giant bunny costume would intentionally walk out into a street with oncoming traffic in an effort to boost “failure to yield” citations. God bless America.